Stuck in the mud

Just a brief update... IT IS TAKING FOREVER.  Kinda annoying.  I can see why it takes a year or more!  People move so slowly, especially the government.  I don't know how anyone does this multiple times, I'd go NUTS.

The homestudy has been completed.  He came and said that we are qualified to be parents.  (Good news after 4 children.)

Also, there are people who are getting locked out of this blog and I'm not sure why.  I'm sorry if I've had to send you multiple invitations.  At least you're reading this now!  :)

This is why we haven't made it completely public, because otherwise we have a lot of people asking us for an update and we don't have one.  It's very frustrating.

Gag order has been lifted

I feel like I've taken a breath of fresh air.  Keeping all of this between Marc and I has been SO hard.  I was able to tell all of my family tonight the whole story of our sweet girl.  We shared with Marc's family last night.  It makes it all the more exciting!

I feel so blessed to have such incredible families.  I know that my family would do ANYTHING to help us.  Marc's parents told us last night that they were willing to help us in any way they could as well.  Why does Heavenly Father love us so much?!

On top of how excited I am that I can finally talk to people about this, my cousin Paige introduced me to a couple who served missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Armenia.  We were able to chat about the country.  I think they will be a huge help in this transition for her.  One thing that I've been so worried about is bringing this sweet girl to a new country, new people, and new language.  I can only imagine how scared she'll be.  I am excited to learn more about the language and the Armenian people from them.

We have decided to name her Brielle after the Angel Gabriel, who came and told Mary and Elizabeth they'd be having a child.  We feel like she is our angel who we've been guided to by the Holy Ghost.  At this time we have not been informed of her Armenian name.  She has a screen name that they give her to put on the internet, but because of privacy rules they cannot post her actual name online.

Nowhere to be found

I forgot to mention a while back how we decided that she was the one we wanted to go after.  There were so many sweet faces on the waiting list.  We inquired of many of them.  They tell you their age, the country they're in, and what special need they have.  There's everything from missing limbs, to blindness, to down syndrome and everything in between.

Back in January I inquired of the little girl who we now are after.  I had seen so many emails with so many faces that I kind of forgot about her.  At the time we weren't really interested in going Armenian.  When Armenia was thrown out in the beginning of March, I had the thought to look through my emails.  During my search I saw this girl again.  I wondered how I ever passed her up in the beginning.  I went to the waiting list and she was GONE.  Nowhere to be found on the waiting list.  I went the agency's website and looked on their website, which should have for sure had her on there.  I wasn't surprised that someone swallowed her up in one bite-- she's that cute.

The thought crossed my mind to just send an email and see if she was really gone.  I knew she would be, but decided I had nothing to lose by asking.  I got an email back saying that she was still available.  I thought there had to be some kind of mistake because, like I said, she had been taken off of all waiting lists and their website.  I emailed this lady back to clarify.  I told her that she was no longer on the waiting list.  She emailed me back saying that she was not sure why she was taken off of all of the lists, but that she was available.

That's one of the reasons we thought that maybe she was waiting for US.  Why else would she happen to be missing from waiting lists?

Another coincidence?

Hold 'er

I spoke with our sweet girl's social worker today.  She informed me that the Armenian Government has been informed that there is a family interested in her.  She has been put on hold for us.  She is no longer considered "available".  The only way we could lose her at this point is if an Armenian family came forward and said that they wanted her.  She warned me of that but let me know that it seldom happens, but could.  It makes me worry.

I've said to Marc before that if this all doesn't pan out with her, it is obviously pointing us in the direction of the little sweet one we are suppose to have.  There are just too many conveniences!

Happy birthday

While reading through the policies for our agency I spotted two things that made me (once again) wonder how this was going to pan out with this little sweetheart that we have fallen in love with.

Problem 1:  There must be at least one year's difference between adoptive child and children at home. 

Problem 2:  They feel it is important to keep children in their birth order.  (meaning this has to be the youngest child.)

CRAAAAAP!!!  I found myself, yet again, with my heart sunken.  Seriously?  I emailed her and she told me that with special-needs adoptions they will sometime waive one of those two things.  That's all great and everything, but both of those would have to be waived.

I started to think about it. This little girl is 2 years old currently (a little older than Tate and a little younger than Shanley).  I could see if there was a way to magically change Tate's birthday to 2 years sooner, which I quickly concluded was not going to happen no matter how hard I tried.  The only other hope I had was to see if there is ANY chance that there happens to be a year between this sweetheart and my others.  

I thought about it.  Shanley's birthday is in June of 2010.  Tate's birthday is August of 2012.  When I looked at those dates I could see that our Armenian daughter's birthday would have to be in July of 2011.  Odds were not in our favor.  I opened up my email with the information I had received about this little girl.  I skimmed through the paperwork and came across her birthday.  I could not believe my eyes- her birthday is July 11, 2011.  

An yet again, another tender mercy.  Someone is orchestrating this whole process, which appears to be meant to be.

Christians

I used to think that picking out clothes online was hard.  I mean, what is wrong with these companies who can't figure out how to size their clothes?  Some clothes run small, some run big.  You never quite know what the color looks like in person.  What if you don't like the feel of the fabric?  I guess you could return it if you didn't like it or if it didn't fit. Yeah, sounds complicated.

Try picking out a child!  Good grief, it is some SERIOUS pressure.

I inquired about this little girl in the beginning of January.  She was a doll.  I continued looking and kind of forgot about her.  A couple weeks ago I was looking through my email and found the photos of her that were sent to me a couple months ago.  She was even cuter this time!  I showed Marc. We prayed and talked about her for a couple days.  Finally I got a text from Marcus that said he was ready to press forward with her. 

Suddenly I was in love.  I couldn't get the application in fast enough.  While working on filling out the application I got an email from her caseworker.  She asked what my religion was.  I immediately emailed back and said I was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Almost instantly she emailed me back and said that I would not be approved for an Armenian adoption, which is where this sweet heart was.  My heart sunk.

I emailed her back and asked why.  She let me know that Armenia was a very Christian Country and they only adopt out to Christians.

Oh, okay.  I get it.  You have to believe in Jesus Christ to adopt from Armenia. 

Ya know what?   I can see why it would be hard to believe in Joseph Smith and The Book of Mormon, I can see why someone may have a hard time believing that we have a modern day prophet.  I can see why someone would question the power of the Priesthood.  One thing I will NEVER understand is why people say that members of the The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints do not believe in Jesus Christ.  I honestly don't get it.  

Deep breath, Wendy.  At this point I am not sure if I was breathing again yet or not.  I know that at some point I started to bawl.  I have finally learned that you don't get what you want by being rude, so I emailed her back and kindly explained that there must be some sort of confusion because as members of The Church of Jesus Christ we happen to believe in Jesus Christ.   

She emailed me back and confirmed that there was no confusion, that was the way the country was and there was no way around it.  She said she had been doing this for 10 years and had been through this with several other LDS families and this was just the way it was.  I was devastated.  I felt like I had fallen in love with this little face and she was being ripped out from under me. I called their office and asked the person on the phone, she didn't know and referred me to speaking with this lady whom was already emailing me.  She was, what appeared to be, the boss.   

After giving it about 2 minutes to soak in, I had the thought to call another agency and ask them.  If they confirm it then I'll know there's nothing I can do.  I call the another agency and ask them.  They told me that they adopt out of Armenia to LDS families regularly, and that it wasn't a problem at all.  At this point I could have chosen another agency, but this is the agency that this little girl was with so to get her I HAD to use them.  The lady on the phone didn't know what to tell me.  She said that it could be an issue that their attorney has with the church.  She gave me a couple numbers that I could try and call, but really didn't have any answers for me.

I do not enjoy making phone calls.  My mom is good at stuff like this, not me.  I try not to annoy people over the phone...anywhere else is fine, just not on the phone.  At this point though, I was desperate.  I needed to get to the bottom on this!  

I dialed the phone number.  I didn't know who this dude was or how he related to adoption.  He could have been an adoptive parent for all I knew at this point.  I was expecting to leave a message, but he answered.  I start explaining to him (while in tears) that I was given his number as a shot in the dark and that I was hoping he'd know who I needed to speak with or what I should do.  I was sure that he would have no idea how to help me, but it sure felt good to let out my frustration out on someone.

He asked me what agency I was working with.  I told him.  I was hoping I wasn't dreaming when I heard him say, "I am the attorney who works with that agency.  I am LDS and I've never heard of that." 

I cannot even explain to you the comfort that I felt at this point.  I was experiencing what was one of the MANY tender mercies I had experienced throughout this whole process.  He told me he'd send out a few emails and figure it all out and get back to me.  I felt so much hope.  

When I didn't hear from him for a couple days I started to worry.  I told Marc that maybe God lined us up with this attorney so that we'd know that it must not have been right, because there was nobody better I could have spoken with.  I had done everything I could.  One thing I never doubted was that He could make it happen if it was His will.  

Why does this have to be SO hard?!  I am trying to do something good.  I am going out of my way to make my life difficult!  

If I were just a Christian this would be so much easier (insert sarcastic voice).  ANNOYING!!!  

I finally got an email from this lady at the agency, letting me know that we needed letters from my doctors.  She didn't mention anything about us being LDS, or that the attorney had contacted her.  She didn't apologize for making my week a total nightmare.  It didn't bother me though.  No apology necessary.  

We were pressing forward.  

Miracles

Some of you may already know this, but the year I graduated from high school my sister Shannon passed away.  She suffered AVM's in her head which resulted in multiple brain surgeries.  Shannon always had long, blonde hair.  When she found out that she'd be having brain surgery she was devastated about having to shave her head.  Lucky for her she had a surgeon who had become her buddy, and he told her that he'd shave where he had to and work around the rest of her hair.  This is not typical at all for a person who is undergoing major brain surgery.  After her first surgery we were gathered in Shanny's room talking about the surgery.  Shannon spoke up and (in reference to being able to keep her hair) she said, "FOCUS ON THE MIRACLE".  

Since that point our family motto has been just that, Focus On The Miracle(s).  It is engraved on her head stone, cross stitched on my mom's wall, put on shirts, it is on my rock in my front yard, and displayed many other places.  After a 2 year battle Shanny was called home, despite seeing miracle after miracle.  One would have reason to ask what the "miracle" is that we are focusing on.  She is gone.  This is the miracle:  We will see her again.  The miracle is that we have testimonies of the Gospel even after this trial.  The miracle is that she still lives.  The miracle is that our family can be together forever.  The miracle is that I have on many occasions felt her nearby and know that she is walking with my family through this life.  The miracle is that I know that she is doing more for my children from the other side of the veil than she could have ever done from this one.  

With this in mind, I'll tell you the next part of our adoption story.  I knew it was the right thing.  At this point I had already had a confirmation for myself that this was the plan for us.  Together we had sacred experiences that led us to know that this is what we were suppose to do.  I knew I needed to have faith.  I also knew that things had to fall into place just right, and that someone from the other side of the veil would have to help us make it happen.  We just needed willing hearts.

On February 9th we went to church.  The lesson in Sunday School was on Noah.  Noah had great faith.  As I listened to the lesson I couldn't help but think of how crazy Noah must have looked to everyone.  Why on earth would he build an ark in the middle of a desert, where rain was in no way expected?  Because he was asked.  That was a good enough reason for him.  He probably didn't know exactly how to build an ark, especially one that size.  I'm sure he had a lot of questions, but did what he was supposed to do anyways. 

It reminded me of myself.  Why on earth would I adopt a child, especially right now, when I can have my own?  I knew I needed to have faith.  I didn't know what the alternative results would be.  I didn't exactly know how to go about the whole process.  

As for the question that I'm certain I will get many times, I don't know if we're "done".  This doesn't necessarily mean that we won't ever have our own again.  It might though.  We'll have to keep you posted.  I read in Mosiah a couple weeks ago that "all these things are done in wisdom and order...". Whatever that means in our situation. 

The story goes on...

In Sacrament Meeting that day we had the High Counsel in our ward.  The first speaker got up and the first story he shared "happened to be" about adoption.  He told a story about a lady named Agnes, who was from Russia (if my memory serves me right, which it doesn't usually, so who knows?)  She made the choice to be adopted and leave her country.  She came to America, and had children.  One of her children had a daughter.  That daughter was this man's grandmother.  He then said that the decision that one person (Agnes) made changed the life of many generations. 

I couldn't help but believe that his talk and story was inspired and what I NEEDED to hear.  

That evening as we were getting ready for bed I saw that I had received an email from a lady named Andrea.  She worked for an adoption agency.  She said in her email that I had inquired about adoption about a year ago and that she was just checking to see where we were in the process.  As I read her email I immediately thought, "I did not email this lady a year ago about adoption."  Tate was 8 months old.  There's no way I emailed her.  I was not considering adopting 8 months ago.  She's got the wrong gal.  However, what a coincidence that she would email me TODAY.

I then read what agency she was from..."Little Miracles".  

I knew that we had been guided and that we were getting help from "someone" on the other side of the veil.  I immediately emailed her back and asked her to call me in the morning.  

As we started the conversation Monday morning, I decided that I was going to lay everything out on the table about my health.  I told her about my heart surgeries.  I then proceeded to tell her about my Epilepsy and how it has thrown up a red flag to every agency I had spoken with.  I told her I was worried that her agency would see the "E" word and run.  

Her response was, "Wendy, I think its fate that you are talking to me.  I have Epilepsy and I have also adopted.  I know what you're going through and I know there is a way around it." 

I'm not sure how someone who doesn't believe in God could explain this all to me.  There are just too many "flukes" to not believe that we are receiving help from a higher being.  There are too many "coincidences".  

Elder Bednar gave an amazing talk about Tender Mercies of the Lord.  After sharing an experience he had in his life where he also witnessed a personal tender mercy he said, "Some may count this experience as simply a nice coincidence, but I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence.  Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies help us to both discern and acknowledge them."

This WAS a tender mercy of the Lord.  I get goosebumps just thinking about how this all came about and the experiences I have had leading up to this point.  God is at the helm of this ship!  Thank HEAVENS!  You better believe I've got my life jacket on.